Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize