i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's like iHOP with fire
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
