I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
