I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
