So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
