I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
