Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i came on her dog
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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