I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
