his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
