Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize