i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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