um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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