i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize