Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
