yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
