Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
