Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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