Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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