i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
