He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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