Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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