i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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