I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
