Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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