Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
