WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
