i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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