update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
