Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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