My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
