i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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