he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize