Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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