i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize