i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
