We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize