Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
