Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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