it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
