does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
