It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
