You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
