i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
