Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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