Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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