I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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