Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
