someone threw a dead crab at me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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