Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
