Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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