Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
