Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
