you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
