Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
