Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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