Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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