I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
