Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
