So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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