so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
