I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
