ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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