High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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