You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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