We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
