Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
