Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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