So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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