just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
