Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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