I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
