I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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