She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
