nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
